getting and giving

Tiff and Robyn inspired me for this post - about Christmas and gifts.

It isn't really customary to give out presents in China for Christmas; although we are here in Canada, my family still doesn't celebrate Christmas thus I never get presents from my parents - but that's fine, they've been constantly giving for 17 years. What I really hate about giving presents is that most people do it i) initially because they want something in return ii) passively because they are 'supposed' to return the favour. I don't see any sincerity in giving presents in such way, things you give out are supposed to be the token of your thankfulness for what people have done for you or love towards people, not some compelled superficial 'kindness'. I'd rather not be given a present without sincerity than given an expensive present being expected to return the favour. Thus, if you get a present from me, please don't feel constrained to give one back and don't give me a present out of expectation of getting one in return. As Tiff said, it's a big waste to spend money on something not practical, and to avoid such extravagancy, here's the list of what I want:

* Chopin Piano Sonata score
* Tchaikovsky/Grieg piano concerto score
* Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho
hmm...there isn't much of what I want when I come to think of it...

things that I don't really really need but would be lovely gifts to me
* funky rings, skirts, shirts, necklaces
* the designer necklace at the AGO store
* philosophy/music/art/Harry Potter (not the 5th one) books
* tickets to Cats/Lang Lang's concert in March
* or simply cards/hugs

I love buying presents for people; it makes me so happy and contented especially when people like my presents. I'm actually planning to spend a decent amount of money to buy poeple presents this Christmas, because it's my last year of high school (yay!) and so last chance for buying Christmas gifts for school friends... after that, I'm not even sure if I'll see them for Christmas anymore =( and it's also the last year of the underaged me, I shall spend it away. Heh...

Some tangential remarks: I'm getting a Yamaha U3! and selling my old Apollo =[ It's the first piano we bought after we landed in Toronto, and it's been with us for almost 4 years... I'll miss it so much...

listen, but don't kill yourself

...because you are about to listen to the famous (or rather... infamous) "suicide song".

Literally, suicide song. It is called "Gloomy Sunday"(you might've heard of it), composed by a Hungarian songwriter who lived during Hitler's time. Apparantly there're 17 alleged cases of suicide somewhat relate to this song, including the songwriter himself and his girlfriend. Many people have the melancholy stuck in their heads after listening to this song and ended their lives either after listening/playing or reading the words. Read more about it HERE, and listen to it HERE (sorry I can only find the Sarah McLachlan version, the original version is too rare) - and, be prepared, any negative reaction has nothing to do with me as I'm warning you.

The words, translated in English:

Sunday is gloomy
My hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows
I live with are numberless
Little white flowers
Will never awaken you
Not where the black coach
Of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought
Of ever returning you
Would they be angry
If I thought of joining you
Gloomy Sunday

Sunday is gloomy
With shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided
To end it all
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers
That are said I know
But let them not weep
Let them know
That I'm glad to go
Death is no dream
For in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul
I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday


Dreaming
I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart dear
Darling I hope
That my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you
How much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy Sunday

I'm feeling a little compressed right now, feeling weird in my stomach. If you don't see me on Monday, add 1 to the 17.

Now I've read all Sophie Kinsella's books. Ha.

Becky really pissed me off during the 4th book, I knew she was dumb, but I didn't know she could be THAT dumb. Kinsella portrayed Becky's sister as such a frugal person that it felt a little awkward reading the disparate sisters. But I'd say the 4th book is the one with the most adventure among all the books she's written about Becky - literally. I just don't understand how such a dumb person could eventually turn the whole world upside down. Anyway... at least it was pretty entertaining.

jeopardized existence

I was talking to P about how people gossip - or 'mistaken', a nicer word to use - you when you are walking with another person. People can be really mean if they want to:

Say you are a girl, and

You are walking with a guy
"Oooo... are you guys going out?"

You are walking with a girl
"....uh.. are you les?"

You are walking with your parents
"Such a baby."

You are walking with your sibling
"You have no friends."

Finally, you walk alone this time
"Hmph, what a loner."

oh I just forgot one little statement: I hate Woburn. I hate all Woburnian rumours; most people there just have nothing good to talk about. So pathetic that it makes me wanna puke everytime I walk into that building. I can't wait to graduate.

When something progresses so swiftly, the next thing you know will be the exact opposite extreme.

...

I went to OCAD for the national portfolio day with Clark. Carried the canvas folder thingy (super old, my mom bought long time ago when she was an active art-lover) containing some of my art works and a roll of my sketches - apparently it was very inconvenient to take the TTC to OCAD with the huge crowd (kids!) going to downtown for the Christmas parade while carrying those.

I waited for about 2h in line for some critique from the professors and the total time I talked to them was less than 10min. I was attentively engaged in a conversation with Clark while waiting in line, and this girl behind me butted in and was talking so loudly and excitedly with the word 'fuck' in every other sentence. She wanted to get in for graphic design, and was just so thrilled to be there.

I loved OCAD, but I dunno. Music or art? Fine art or design? Ah... I hate gr.12 for making choices.

Japanese school girls

I am dropping history. I think. Reason: I'm not learning anything in class yet I have so much work to do. I can just get a book to read about history and learn much more from it than taking the course. Ha, now I'm having 3 spares in one day.

I admit that I'm a bit screwed this year though. I haven't had the time to take a break; yet I take too many breaks every single day. I sometimes get hit by the suddden fear of not getting into a desired university; it's freaky. I'm not the kind of person who plans the plan, and I don't want to be. But now, I have to.

My right hand has been hurting incredibly much lately; I hope it won't develope into some sort of handicap.

few things

1. My page is up: http://www.iamsof.tk or http://home.graffiti.net/sof13

2. Found this website of this Shanghai-nese photographer http://www.maleonn.com/. Catchy, striking, semi-degrading, impetuous, eccentric.

3. Fantastic Chinese blogger http://www.blogcn.com/User3/taozhiyaoyao/index.html

4. I repeatedly realize I'm losing the ability to express myself with language, especially with words; both in Chinese and English. The only hopeful is music.

5. Got hit by a kind of virus. (sorry, the subject is 'I')

I've decided to brace myself up and take some responsibilities; I've been lost for so long.

After 4h of work on Saturday, I went shopping and bought new boots, a black skirt and a cozy sweater. I decided to gain some satisfaction through shopping, and possessing new clothes is one of the best ways to have a new start (it's just me...). It feels good.

Watched a very touching Chinese movie on Saturday night; I was tearful during the whole movie. Perhaps it was the setting that brought back so many momories, suddenly everything just came back to me... Grandfather's warm smile; cousin's little bald head; the inky dark bathroom and the gleaming greenness of the hospital... Some aren't pleasing, but can never be forgotten.

aha! 

shaken iced coffee and shaken iced tea... which are sour 

Happy birthday Ken =)

You know that I'm not the only one who's old. hehe.