I have the urge of abandoning this blog.
It is a question I constantly ask myself: what is the purpose of having a blog? Apparently, writing entries on a blog is not only a way to express yourself and your thoughts, but it is a way to communicate to others. When you decide what to include in an entry, you are consciously aware you are writing it for other people to see. In this sense, nothing can be completely genuine and truthful. As long as you are doing something involving other people, you cannot be truthful to yourself. I feel it's against my will to write something to 'show off', or to write something in concern of how others think (and perhaps to worry about whether this entry will get people to comment); I'd like to write exactly how I feel about certain things.
This, however, relate to other aspects of the concern which I despise. Even when I am writing this particular entry, I am carefully choosing words so that no one will interpret it the wrong way. It is something I hate to do because I think it's superficial and unnatural. Under the influence of a very intimate family member, I realized that I've grown more and more secretive; I hide many things, even things that are trifling. At this instant, I amazed myself considering I'm actually writing an entry (or, telling every reader) about this part of me that I wouldn't normally tell anyone. I wasn't like this. I was open and straight. I think these natural personalities still emerge sometimes, but I've learned to keep things to myself.
Eastern philosophies teach you: more is less; less is more (and other similar profound theories). Derived from this, it is quite consented that the more you say(show off) about how much you know, the less you actually do. In contrary, the less you say, the more you know(of course, exceptions exist everywhere, but it's the minority thus will be ignored in this case). In this sense, I am quite ingorant considering how much I say on my blog. According to this theory, in order to gain true knowledge I should say less and learn more - and that is precisely why I think I should abandon my blog.
The opposing argument I have toward this thought is that the blog can still exist if I only write about personal matters - however as stated above, I have problems doing so. What's the point of letting random readers know about you? So that you can make more friends? If a person is destined to meet you and become a close friend to you, wouldn't that person get to know you in real life eventually? (I believe in pre-determination, destiny and such..) But then, if a person is destined to get to know you, he/she will do so no matter through blog or real life - thus it doesn't matter if you have a blog or not.
Logic doesn't seem to work for me. I need to have some time to listen to my heart.
But my heart seems feeble and rattled.
It seems dead.