Let me make it clear.

My blog is currently moved to: http://iamsof.diaryland.com
I combined both my Chinese blog and English blog here, as well as the host for photo gallery. It is easier for me to manage I hope.
I don't know if I'll use it permanently since I have an addiciton of moving my blogs around; but for now, that is where my blog resides. Change link URL if you will, this entry will stay here in case people can't find my new blog URL.

Thanks.

note to self

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Ever dreamed out in the world
There were arms to hold you?
You've always known
Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved
Alone.

Grad photo is taken.

Guys all looked horrifically handsome in their suits, it made me wanna hug them. Hehe.

This Saturday is Scarborough Town Centre's sidewalk sale day. Go there if you wanna buy clothes for a really cheap price - but they probably don't have all the sizes or good quality products, since it's like the clearance of what they have in store so they can put out their spring product.

I wanna buy a pair of high heels, although I seriously have no idea how to walk in those. And a nice long sleeve top for performance use.

I suppose my blog isn't really back to its full function yet, but I'll just let it linger on for now.

"All I Ask of You"

[Male voice] (Raoul)
No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I’m here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm you and calm you

Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I’m here, with you and beside you
To guard you and to guide you

[Female voice] (Christine)
Say you love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

[Raoul]
Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You’re safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

[Christine]
All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

[Raoul]
Then say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of you

[Christine]
Say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

[Both]
Share each day with me, each night, each morning

[Christine]
Say you love me

[Raoul]
You know I do

[Both]
Love me, that's all I ask of you
…
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you

This song speaks my heart. The Phantom of the Opera movie was beyond fantastic; I'm gonna buy the soundtrack CD and the DVD of this movie.

Love is so beautiful.

I have the urge of abandoning this blog.

It is a question I constantly ask myself: what is the purpose of having a blog? Apparently, writing entries on a blog is not only a way to express yourself and your thoughts, but it is a way to communicate to others. When you decide what to include in an entry, you are consciously aware you are writing it for other people to see. In this sense, nothing can be completely genuine and truthful. As long as you are doing something involving other people, you cannot be truthful to yourself. I feel it's against my will to write something to 'show off', or to write something in concern of how others think (and perhaps to worry about whether this entry will get people to comment); I'd like to write exactly how I feel about certain things.

This, however, relate to other aspects of the concern which I despise. Even when I am writing this particular entry, I am carefully choosing words so that no one will interpret it the wrong way. It is something I hate to do because I think it's superficial and unnatural. Under the influence of a very intimate family member, I realized that I've grown more and more secretive; I hide many things, even things that are trifling. At this instant, I amazed myself considering I'm actually writing an entry (or, telling every reader) about this part of me that I wouldn't normally tell anyone. I wasn't like this. I was open and straight. I think these natural personalities still emerge sometimes, but I've learned to keep things to myself.

Eastern philosophies teach you: more is less; less is more (and other similar profound theories). Derived from this, it is quite consented that the more you say(show off) about how much you know, the less you actually do. In contrary, the less you say, the more you know(of course, exceptions exist everywhere, but it's the minority thus will be ignored in this case). In this sense, I am quite ingorant considering how much I say on my blog. According to this theory, in order to gain true knowledge I should say less and learn more - and that is precisely why I think I should abandon my blog.

The opposing argument I have toward this thought is that the blog can still exist if I only write about personal matters - however as stated above, I have problems doing so. What's the point of letting random readers know about you? So that you can make more friends? If a person is destined to meet you and become a close friend to you, wouldn't that person get to know you in real life eventually? (I believe in pre-determination, destiny and such..) But then, if a person is destined to get to know you, he/she will do so no matter through blog or real life - thus it doesn't matter if you have a blog or not.

Logic doesn't seem to work for me. I need to have some time to listen to my heart.

But my heart seems feeble and rattled.

It seems dead.

I hate to waste my time on admiring others. I returned to the blank primitive stage.

back from vanishing

So, I had a few days of decent vanishing, and now I am back alive but not very well. I don't remember since exactly when I started to feel so fatigued, it's like all the weariness has been accumulating in my body, I feel like I can pass out any second. I literally need to stop doing what I'm doing and consciously breathe properly, otherwise I feel suffocated; or I just walk around all day feeling air-headed. If I somehow collapse on you, don't be surprised; and if you see me about to fall, give me hug to make sure I don't, will ya? =) Oh what a thing is my feeble heart...

Despite my fragile condition, I haven't managed to stop myself from laughing my head off every time I look at my dad. Apparently, I bought a little kilt-like skirt and wore it with a pair of pants underneath with my boots the other day, and he was so not used to it and he was making fun of me and such 'trend' of wearing stuff you don't normally wear outside; so what he's doing right now is some action-protest, which involves himself walking around in the room with his white shorts and a pair of blue sweatpants-ish pants underneath. Haha.. my dad can be so crazily funny sometimes. (but seriously, I have seen people walking on the street with shorts outside of pants, and if you can manage well, it actually doesn't look that hilarious.)

Finally I decided the date for The Phantom. It's gonna be this Saturday afternoon, and hopefully the plan won't change...

I sent in the UT questionnaire today, feeling so accomplished - the reason? Well, aside from filling out a 6-page questionnaire and writing an essay, I was also asked to do this financial assessment form. What's dumb is that they asked me to estimate my monthly expense during the 8 months of university: tuition fees, books, housing... understandable; but for clothing? I can spend $0 in a month and $1000 another if I have the money... anyhow. Now I just need to wait to be informed about the audition date... crossing my fingers it won't be anytime before late March.

Now some space for my recent fondness.


Jamie Cullum, a jazz singer/piano player/songwriter who's so darn talented (he's style is also a little rock/punk-ish). He's the kinda guy who uses his butt/feet on the keyboard, and go totally wild with a grand piano. He's also singing the theme song for the new Bridget Jones movie. Check out his stuff here.


Yup, Madeline. I used to watch Madeline on TV in China when I was little, and just a few days ago I saw it on TVO... suddenly all the childhood memory just oozed out on me, felt so enchanted again, just like when I was a little kid. I like Madeline, she's so adorable and sympathetic. :)


Lang Lang's new CD. He's gonna be performing the "Paganini" Rach piece on March. 16th, I gotta order the tickets asap. I saw a documentary about him on TV the other day, all I can say is... *sigh*, a typical Chinese family with ordinary parents who trained their child to be so extraordinary.