written on the last day

I downloaded the newest Feng Xiaogang movie "A World Without Thieves" (天下无贼) off and on over 3 days and finally finished downloading this morning, I watched it with my mom and we enjoyed it greatly. The plot was pretty unpredictable (one of the most important things I look for in books, movies, plays, etc.) and the background music is quite subtle and soothing. I loved it.

After watching it, I was thinking about how parents should teach their children in the future. Seemingly the inculcation of being a righteous person can't stand alone without any preconditions anymore, because there're incidents in China of which when a 'good' person sees unjustice and tries to help, this person is hurt badly by the villain and the spectators are all afraid of doing something to help, because they are afraid of being hurt. Also, nowadays in China, nearly no one can survive (in the sense of the least valuable goals of getting some money and support a family) without bribery or connections, does that mean that the parents should teach their children the refined 'art of bribery'? Even if they are reluctant on teaching this, they seem compelled to; five thousands years of Confucian teaching is being trampled on. Perhaps China needs another revolution, when they reach the limit of corruption and emotional callus they'll realize money isn't the only thing they need and crave for.

It doesn't seem like an appropriate topic to write about on the last day of 2004, but I guess every day is just another day and it doesn't matter what significance it represents, it's always an ordinary day just like what has passed and what will come. I'm going to see the movie Darkness at 8p.m. and then go to Nathan Phillips Square for the count down. I hope the melting snow won't drench my shoes or my socks... it feels utterly uncomfortable.

Happy last-day of 2004 everyone, thanks for the cyber support throughout the whole year, and from The Sorrows of Young Werther: "God bless you, my dear friends, and may he grant you the happiness which he denies to me!" - hehe, I'm not that hopeless, but you get the idea. Wish you all a very gratifying new year. =)

I was bored, so I downloaded litestep and almost screwed my PC's operating system. So I deleted it, got trillian, disliked it. Then, I got msn shell 4 and got another XP skin. And here it is. =) 

Oh my stomach hurts so badly... I'm practically a good-for-nothing.
And I hate Chinese fobs so much, it's not even funny.

I just read what I had written on my first English blog (blogdrive), and it occured to me that I had much to say about the world then and was more free to write them out. Compare to my present blog, I think I've lost perhaps courage to write about things I detest. It is said that when one is born, one is rarely afriad of anything; but as he grows up he discovers many things and is constantly aware of the consequences that might come out of even the most trifling decisitions, thus ruminates on every little action he takes. It is neither good not bad, it is just how people are. However I still feel a little sad knowing I'm less in quantity of something 'good' than I used to be.

When I was about 3 or 4, I lived with my grandmother because my parents were quite busy with their work. One day my mom came over to visit me and my grandmother, and they were staying in the yard with my grandmother's friends chatting and I was running around like any other 3/4 year olds. There was a huge dog lying on the ground taking a nap and I tiptoed over and stepped on the dog's tail with all my strength. Of course the dog woke up and was looking for the malicious one, but I already ran off.

Also, my grandmother owned a puffy Persian cat, and I used to stare at its eyes face to face (literally) with a distance only about 2cm. My mom was afraid that the cat would scrath my face or my eyes, but I enjoyed staring at it so much she just had to let me. The cat, weirdly, stared back at me and never scratched me.

Hmm.. one more story. My mom bought a little fuzzy chicks for me and she put them in a box and put the box on the balcony. So one day, I just grab one little chick and stood up, walked over to the edge of the balcony and suddenly let go of my hand and then the chick was thrown from 6th floor to the ground. Dead, presumably.

Freaky isn't it? Trust me, not only was I so darn 'brave', I was also a little naughty devil who pissed my mom off until the point she could cry (bad things I did can be written in a book as thick as the calc textbook). But I don't remember doing those things, I was told by my parents. They startled me when they told me, it was like listening to stories about little Hitler. And now, I don't even dare to go near dogs, I can only pet the cats, and even thinking about throwing chicks makes me wanna cry. Although I still piss my mom off, but I'll always have to obey her like an promoted obedient Chinese child should do.

Anyway. I just did some worthwhile blogging. That feels better.

leave me alone and let me fotoblog

Eastman's dorm stairs. walked on the avg of 5 times/day.

the missed 

...nway & s... ons 

the beloved 

v.2

Happy new layout!

Robert inspired me for this design and yup, here it is. The only problem is that I'm not sure if the layout is only viewable on IE.

How has your Christmas gone? Lots unwrapping effort? Hugs, kisses, tears, smiles? Hmm... it's lovely. Christmas this year is filled so much with love, or perhaps it's just me growing more close to the palpitant realization of what love feels like.

Oooo, I am so looking forward to this HP fans trip to London , summer 2005. I'm currently interested in the "Weekend - 4 Days/3 Nights - July 31 to August 3" plan, and am looking for a few people who are in the same camp so we can get a discount up to $400. The price on the website is in USD, converted to Canadian dollars it's about $982.37050. But if we can get more people to come and get $400 USD off, that's $818 per person, in Canadian dollars.... which is about 4 months of working at Walter's... which isn't so bad. I'll manage, just refrain from buying clothes for 4 months, c'mon, how hard can that be. =P

Who's going to the new year's eve thingy at Nathan Philips Square? .. and who's free and bored enough to go see The Phantom of the Opera with me?

It is Christmas time in the city.

Christmas spirit has taken possession of me with the sweet and fresh smell of the snow and the genial balm of the unified world covered with such purified sight. I am missimg someone, rather, missing part of me. If this, from Eleven Minutes, is really true that originally man and woman were one blend object but were seperated by a god out of jealousy of their sufficient work and reproductive ability, then I have no reason to be disconsolate. Although I don't know where he is, who he is or how many more years I will have to wait, but it makes me smile when I know that he is somewhere on this planet, sharing the same tender silvery moonlight with me. One Christmas eve, The Christmas eve when I meet him, I'll tell him how much I love him and how completed I am.

Back to the insipid reality. I am presently standing at a corssroad, gazing nonchalantly at a direction, not knowing where to go. Anent my arrival, was it out of my voluntary yet subconscious action or was I being put out like this by fate? I don't know. The ghastly surroudnings is blurred, I hear things, but they seem so distant. I thought I'd found someone comforting and trusting after I stood up and walked out of my little dark corner, but no; sadly my heretofore statment is correct, I proved it correct again - that the only person who is closest to understanding us is ourselves. It is true that if one doesn't take risk in life, one will never experience the excitment - in this case the exceitment is positive, because the destiny of pain is to mingle with bliss and become part of it - but now, I'd rather go back to my little corner and curl up again.

I don't know what I know, I don't know what I want to know. Sometimes I want to live a migrant life like Annie Baby, repeatedly stray out of a comfort zone that has just been established. But it seems like I was born to a debt, and it is my obligation to live to repay, I cannot escape. I owe somebody, and somebody will be just like me when they are born and to come to the realization that they live to repay the debt; it seems intrinsic within my blood. Thus I won't let that person to be born, I'm having enough.

It is just a matter of whether to stop sitting on my ass and do something different or keep doing what I've been doing for my whole life. But the gravitational force is too strong, I cannot get up that easily. Oh look, I always blame others but myself... I'm just too hopeless.

Perhaps I will become a hermit for a few days. In any case, wish you all a merry Christmas; and if you happen to have found The One, cherish that person; if not, hey, it always makes you feel better knowing someone else is just like you.

Oh it's a white Christmas : )

HP news

It feels like a rather quiet period of time without any magical notions, well... guess what? The 6th book: HP and the Half Blood Prince will be out next summer.

From one of the most popular HP sites - MuggleNet.com:

HBP: July 16, 2005
JK Rowling's two English language publishers Scholastic and Bloomsbury announced
today that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will be released at midnight
BST (British Summer Time) in the United Kingdom, United States, Canada,
Australia, New Zealand and South Africa on Saturday, July 16th, 2005. Bloomsbury
will be releasing both the hardback childrens and adult versions (same text,
different cover) of HBP like the previous books, both with a recommended retail
price of ?16.99, with the US version at $29.99 (although some stores have
already set their pre-order price at $17.99). Bloomsbury has informed us that
HBP will be "a bit shorter than Order of the Phoenix."We owe a huge thank you to
Jo Rowling for this wonderful news and we wish her a very Merry Christmas and a
Happy New Year!
Pre-order at Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.ca.

Apparently, just hours after the first pre-orders were taken, this book already zoomed its way up to #1 bestseller on Amazon. Now I really, really want that book.

Another gift after the publication of the newest book is the 4th movie: HP and the Goblet of Fire, and this will be released on November 18, 2005. Can't wait? Well... unfortunately I can do nothing about it, I'm just a muggle.. however here are some pictures from that movie and hopefully they'll be enough of some appetizer.

MSN Messenger 7 BETA Download 7.0

MSN Messenger 7 BETA Download 7.0

Clark and I had a fun afternoon at Kensington Market buying Christmas presents for ourselves. I am officially pennyless.

The Lantern Parade started around 6:30pm and it was truely a fantastic event. We danced with the crowd and were admiring how beautiful people's lanterns were. We are going to make our own next year, to outweigh the prettiness of other people's lanterns, haha.

Updated my fotolog. Unseen.

via email

My last post via email screwed the code of my blog. Let's hope this one works properly.

---

Do you Yahoo!?
Send holiday email and support a worthy cause. Do good.

all Christmas

Christmas baby


Christmas hottie


Christmas old man

and... some ideas for Christmas parties

I've been trying to post a new entry via email but I haven't succeeded. I don't know what is wrong with my blogger setting and it's quite frustrating.

Attended a concert at the George Weston Recital Hall last night, it was beyond fantastic. Performers included the Amadeus Choir and the Bach Children's Chorus - they sounded angelic! They performed several Canadian pieces and American pieces, among which were works composed by winners from the Christmas Carol and Chanukah Song Writing Competiiton. The winners also attended the concert and while they were on the stage being announced, we surprisingly realized that Scott Reynolds from Woburn (the trumpeter in jazz band) was one of them, all dressed up and looking nice. His work was performed in the concert, it was rather short, composed in Finnish, and elite. What a holy evening.

Speaking of concerts, another one that I've been looking forward to (the Mozart's THREE piano concerto) is getting its tickets sold out. If anyone is interested, please please tell me asap because the tickets are going to be hardly procured. Date: Jan. 16th 3p.m..

It was so darn freezing outside, I alomst freezed my butt off. I dislike those days that look sunny and bright but are splittingly cold.

It is such a wonder how ridiculous my dad is sometimes. And it's not just my dad, my friends complain about theirs as well (hmph, you should listen to Steph Ng's father's stories, you can laugh your head off). It started perhaps about a few months ago, and sometimes I really doubt if his brain is temporarily dysfunctional.
On Saturday, when I was getting ready to work...
dad: aren't you bringing your piano score?
me: ... why?
dad: so you can practise.
me:. ...(what?!) dad, I teach there, I don't have time to practise.
dad: oh? didn't you always bring your score and practise there?
me: ... (did I ever?)
dad: so you are coming back for lunch?
me: nah, I get off at 2pm. (how long have I been working there? isn't he supposed to know that?)
dad: oh, so you'll be back around 1 or 2 right?
me: ... didn't I just say I get off at 2? I'll be back around 2:30....

=S

Anyway. So the break officially starts within 52min, and my plans haven't been planned out quite nicely yet. I have to catch up on calc since I haven't done 2 weeks worth of homework; and also need to practise more... then there's English ISU to enjoy as well as uni applications to play with. Movies I want to watch: The Polar Express and The Phantom of the Opera; especially the latter. Want to go to the reference library for a few times to just sit there and listen to recordings from 4pm until they close (8pm) and then go to Starbucks and just melt in the darkness and coldness (hopefully with snow too).

Although I'm not particularly confused about my identity, but this is how Google defines Sophie. Thanks, it is very complimentary.

Oh I'm really tired. And I am such a scared-of-dogs maniac. It is a phobia, if not worse.

she's black, she's not very tall

.. she's Eva and she's America's next top model.





Amanda got eliminated in the 2nd last round, leaving only Eva and Yaya. But I still love Amanda, she's absolutely gorgeous.




ah... pretty pretty girls.

Winter night's air smells so fresh
I feel like being caressed.
Knowing that it is cold
it soothes me
it dries my tears away.

I am brave on a winter night
with the snow and the splitting wind.
I don't know where they'll take me
but I am here
looking up at the sky.

It is not a starry night.

....

Last night was the gr.8 parents night, it was sad seeing more people sitting in the aud than on the concert night. I hope it'll snow soon.

It's happening again. This depresses me more than
words can describe. I liked someone, but because I never talked or saw him ever,
I don't like him anymore. And I love liking people. Especially when there is
nothing better to do in this stupid town. Its like you actually have a reason
for looking nice when you go to school, a reason for coming to school. But, that
has passed. I don't like him anymore. It seems. Maybe once I go to the feeder
schools with him on Thursday it will come back - probably- as for now. I like
noone.

Read this on Her's blog. I agree, it is nice liking someone, even though that person doesn't know about it. But it's sad that in the end, the little crush just vanishes groudlessly. Sometimes it's better to not to tell that person, so everything feels natural and good; and when that person doesn't know about it, you have little expectations every single day, it makes you so happy when you see that person and get to talk to him/her. Once you go out with them, heehee, all you have is the listless worries. Well, there're exceptions, but it is generally true. =P

For people who are interested in going to the Handel Messiah, please check out the infomation HERE. We are planning to go to the Dec.18th performance (8p.m.) and since we are not rich, we are going to buy tickets at the price of $35. I think we need to buy tickets beforehand (online or calling the box office) so please decide a.s.a.p..

1 more week to go

Right now I'm sitting in front of a computer in the guidance computer lab during STAR. Just went back to read all of my posts from September, I realized how lucky I am to have readers who care about what I have to write. Just wanna thank you guys =) Also I discovered for most of the Sep. & Oct. entries, the comment number is '0'. Weird thing is, if you click on 'you say' and look at the pop-up window, all the comments are still there... Is it just my blog or haloscan's got a problem?

Anyway. Christmas shopping is officially done. My mom laughed at me when she saw the Harry Potter calendar I got for my piano teacher, well I love my teacher and she loves Harry Potter (I think...) so who cares about what my mom thinks, heh. I finally bought the dress I desired for 2 months from Smart Set, $45.99 marked down to $34.99. Old Navy is having huge discounts (50%, 20%) and so are a lot of other stores in STC. Check them out if you are still compelled to spend some money on buying gifts.

Two tests tomorrow - vocal and calc. Aw the break will be here soon... Presently, my supposed plans for the holiday are
i) attend a Handel Mass concert of some sort
ii) PMall shopping on Friday the 17th
iii) downtown TO for sure for sure
iv) 4 year landing-in-Canada anniversary dinner on the 20th
v) go see a movie with my parents for Christmas

Please msn me (sofxz@yahoo.com) or email me or however you can get in touch with me to take me somewhere at some point for the holiday, I'm pretty sure I'll be bored at home. From what I experienced in the past summer holidays, I can't afford to be bored again - I'd seriously be insane! ='(

hmm... STAR is over, I'm gonna go practise now.

forsv: potpourri of thoughts: The Color Of Bhutan

To fulfill SV's request, here's the post.

Please click on the title to read the post.

pictures!

To correspond with the pic on Tiff's blog. =P

I've been dragging my body reluctantly for the whole day, I could fall on the ground and fall asleep right away. Today Woburn seemed to empty. It was raining outside, and inside I was sleeping. Everything felt so cold.

I did leave my camera in my locker, and the pictures are up now. Visit my fotolog.

... and the link for HourOne isn't working for me...

I'm not drunken

Okay I almost stayed up all night and right now it's 6:06am. Being told not to sleep when it's almost morning, I went around reading people's blogs (blah-gs, Parthi? =P) and now I just have the impulse to write, so I'm just gonna sit here with my laptop on top of my lap and see how long this entry goes.

This entry's probably gonna be somewhat incoherent, because for most of the time, my thoughts are truncated. It's sad. I remember I had a perfectly smooth way of thinking when I was in China, I thought in Chinese; now, I think in English most of the time. It's interesting when you come to think of it, we hardly ever stop thinking about things in our heads - heads, what strange objects; round, hairy and full of whims. I've always thought that I'm losing the ability to describe things with language, it bothers me a lot. I am stuck between Chinese and English; I still clearly remember the first time I couldn't find the right Chinese word for an expression that I had to use English instead. It was horrifying. I grew more and more distant to Chinese, and yet I'm not close enough to English: I'm a person with no language.

Not just problems with speaking, I also have problems hearing. First I thought it was because my English isn't good enough so whenever people talk to me, I'd have to ask them to repeat it; but then I went back to China to visit, realized that I'd have to do that same with my friends. Sadly came to the conclusion that I have hearing problems. Oh well.

Although when I first came to Canada I did have to ask people to repeat, because I was only a 'pathetic girl who doesn't understand a thing'. My world was lonely. I remember these two white girls making fun of me, I remember this brown girl and her group treating me not-so-nicely to the point that I started crying, I remember one of the first words I learned at school was 'shut up' just so I can tell all those people who were making fun of me to shut their mouth up. I promised myself I wouldn't crawl back to the little corner where I can find temporary peace, I knew I was ignorant, and perhaps still am, but knowing that fact only means to learn more. We are all fragile, but we can be strong.

Many blogs I read today reveal the innermost feelings of the blogger; it is pathetic to think that we'd rather write down what we truely feel than telling people. But seemingly it is the fact. It is so hard to trust a person.

Oh I feel so light-headed right now. A recital on Sunday... Ken, would it be possible if we play through La Valse once before the break?

I love sleeping, but I don't spoil it by sleeping a lot. I've been getting that surreal feeling after I wake up from a beautiful or melancholy dream lately; it's absolutely addictive. Nothing can feel more dreamy than this, although perhaps using drugs. The night is serene, I feel like myself. I shall end here I suppose, another day is ahead of me, us.

happiness and unhappiness

Fantastic concert it was. I'd really like to put on the pictures, but ... I think I lost my camera. I probably left it in my locker or in the bathroom when I was changing or something, I have this temporary memory loss problem. (I make all sorts of stupid mistakes like once I thought I lost the score for a jazz band piece when we were about to perform on the stage, Mr.Farrow got everyone to look for it and eventually I realized that it was sitting on my stand behind the folder...)

Anyway. My yamaha U3 arrived this morning, and as the movers were moving my Apollo out, I suddenly had tears in my eyes. I've had 4 pianos (including this yamaha) and I've never sold one, this is the only exception... I get very emotionally attached to my pianos, they are always sitting waiting for me no matter how brutally the world treats me. Ah, I'll still be seeing my Apollo though, since the buyer will be my student; but still, it doesn't belong to me anymore =( .... And I also received a parcel containing three of the eight books I order the other day. That was fast.

Aww... I'm so worried about my camera....

I took a few pics today, but this is the only one turned out well. Madrigal folks: sorry, though I promised to photoshop our group pic, but it is too dark to make anything good out of it. We still have time before the Christmas break - tomorrow... CONCERT DAY! 

I am happy today.

Just ordered 8 books on chapters.indigo.ca, 3 of them are gifts for people. I still haven't finished Christmas shopping, I'm struggling to get satisfying gifts.

Got the following from SV's blog:

world's costliest Advertisement
This Advertisement for the new Honda Accord was shot in real time with no CGI involved in the sequence. It required 606 takes and cost $6 million to shoot.

=O

Heehee, I feel so happy at this moment! (no particular reason)

Miss World 2004: the official website - Home - Introduction

Miss World 2004: the official website - Home - Introduction

Miss Canada isn't that beautiful...

inferiority

I came home, feeling rather drowsy despite the fact that it's a Friday; my spirit could only be lightened through the surreal dreams. I slept for hours.

It makes me cranky and grumpy when somebody brusquely opens my door, imposing the idea that I've got to wake up. I become imbued with the plaintive self-deprecation, tears started dropping. Many things I do, are without an explicit reason.

I sat down on the piano bench, still rattled with the ambivalence of the groundless melancholy and the supposed happiness. I cannot hear a note I play. Suddenly I become incogitant and imcompatible with my action. I have yet to cavil at the pieces that I'm playing, but I'm really not in the mood, I feel spaced out.

Rather than sitting there to waste my life, I've chosen to sit at my table and study English.

... and I've been bothered by the truth that most people around me are rattlebrained. Oh I feel so alone and depreciated.

feeder school

Had a great day performing at the feeder schools today; this was my 4th and last time.

When I get up late, my brain doesn't function well -that is case for today. I woke up at 8:00a.m.... which is the time that I'm supposed to be at school. Dad almost knocked the door down when he was trying to wake me up, but I remember setting the alarm clock at 7:20 last night and didn't hear anything this morning....
me: grr... how come the alarm clock didn't ring?
dad: it did.
me: no way!
dad: yes it did, but you set it off.
me: ....
It certainly does sound like something I'd do.

Everyone did well today. I was 'sight-reading' the chamber choir music; it had never occured to me that I was supposed to ask them for a copy of that piece so I could practise a bit... not to mention, I played tons of wrong notes. Spare me. Aside from this, i) I hate Stodola Pumpa ii) Blue Rondo rocked iii) got myself a 3cm cut and dunno how I got it iv) never knew Silence could make people throw up.

Kids are annoying, and cute.

Parthi and Danny were expressing how happy they felt today on the way home, also saying how the music people understand each other. It is true, it feels great being with music people - I still clearly remember every little detail of the Eastman experience... but it could be competitive at times. And also what I found about Woburn music students is that the Wind Ensemble people are colder and more 'unfriendly' than the choir people, but they are perhaps more intellectual than the choir people. No offence, just some personal opinion.

The day ended on a happy note. And I'm glad you liked my boots. =)

Mao and Che

Thumbs up.